Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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