U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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