i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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