Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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