Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize