They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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