I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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