heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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