so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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