I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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