Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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