So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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