I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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