I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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