When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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