Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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