I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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