I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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