there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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