Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
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yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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