why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize