Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
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When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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