Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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