Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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