I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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