so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
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The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
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I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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