he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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