I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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