Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
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I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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