4 words: hood of his car
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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