What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
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This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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