Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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