He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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