Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
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Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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