We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
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could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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