soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
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I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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