Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
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my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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