He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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