I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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