I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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