He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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