i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize