You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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