Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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