i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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