I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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