i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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