I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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