dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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