nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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